Looking on the mirror

During these time of the year 2013,

I sat down for many days and weeks
waiting for a direction and paths for my life

After graduation,
Nothing seem to be progressing

As though everything have stopped

My life goes on as
Sleep, Eat, Play, Sleep

Gradually my life became off balanced
Pace become slower and slower

Life become stationary with the same routine

Nevertheless,
Scale increases due to lack of exercise

Till one day,
Call for job interview comes

Prepared everything needed for interviews

Till that very day
Started looking for the right shirt to put on

Then i realize how much changes have comes forth

Shirt started to felt tight and unease
Pant getting hard to fit in

Then i realize how slack I was in the past 3 month
How much slower my body and mind have become

I started to feel disappointment that my job interview might screw up
due to my body image

I felt really horrible to an extend don't feel like going

On top of it, second interview call have rang up
I feel even bad about it

I have no idea how am I going to fix myself in time for it

Looking at the mirror,
at myself
I feel horrible and despite how i look
I thought i was okay
as regular shirt still fit in well and nothing wrong with it
But i was wrong

Im going off-shaped

It's about time to get really into it
I need to slim down...

I think i would reject all job interview and get my self back on track
-though i felt they probably wont accept me due to my body image

All these while, I have not had a right desire or motivation to slim down
but i guess my heart relying on outer factor for motivation
rather than doing it for myself

till then i realize, 2 years back till now,
I have not knew how to love myself

I must do it to really put this to the end,