Questions and Doubt of my Decision

Recently in the past 2-3 weeks,

My life undergo some major changes that more or less changes me

Things wasnt really going fine within myself

for unable to accept what had happened

Been thinking and worrying for days and nights

that i have lost myself within my own thought

Questions and Doubt been running to my mind every now and then

every second, every minutes, every hours and every days for weeks

It's still happening

Being unable to rest well

having lots of nightmare and terrify about the past

Practically im lost

several major changes happened

I grown up in some aspect that i could face thing in a better manner

but on the other hand i still have myself that being too worried about a lot related issue

Maybe this is how a typical Virgo

Seek for perfection,

Seek for truth

Prepared for future

Look far beyond

Think of all possible possibility

Reaching far for answer

For me, i would really wanna know crystal clear truth on what had happened

I have a lot question to myself to ask and to know

I been asking a lot thinking a lot and doubting a lot

even question myself did i did the right thing to bring you back

im uncertain about my answer

the uncertaincy that make things worse for myself

every night only able to sleep for few hours and awake from nightmares

Well probably im still able to handle well,

As i do not wanna disappoint my family that put a lot of effort and time

to send me oversea to study

Academically i hope to performed well

In term of my own life,

Im trying to survive

Life is about survival

Im not sure whether how should i keep asking about it and my doubt and questions

are unanswered..

a lot of doubt question and uncertaincy

asking myself how can i stop thinking

i tried hard not to think

but some scenario and incident happen around me

remind of it

It's hard to removed when lovely thing happen in front of me doesnt reflect us

but that incident

There's a saying "People cry not because they are weak; it because they have been strong for too long"

I do believe that saying is right

because all the while

I been trying to be strong to protect you in the shadows

doing a lots of thing to ensure you are safe

apparently nothing much have been known

neither i would want it to be known

But you couldnt felt it

Have you ever think of me when u say good bye?

Have you ever think of me when you went off to him?

Was i unworthy for you that time?

I have no idea

Sometime i would rather you shout at me with your true heart then you kept it within urself

We do have something in common

We tends to keep think in our heart

But i really hope you wouldnt do that again

Remember you once said

"Foresee the future of us, we gonna kiss we gonna hold each other dearly..."

This sentence meant a lot to me..

Im hoping to see you soon

and would really love to sit down and have a one to one talk with you

without any disturbance

such as Facebook, MSN, friends, Homeworks, studies or anything

Hope for the world with only two of us

Do you know,

How many time we actually went out with only 2 of us?

It wasnt much

Your friends were always there most the time

and your concentration wasn't on me

You might not know how to see facial expression or psychology of me

but it isnt hard to read and understand me

I'm a simple guy with simple desire

I wanted is a pure and true relationship

filled with honesty, truthful and love and  loyalty

Simple yet difficult to achieve..

I always been honest , truthful and loyal to you for 5years

Without a strong love, it not even possible to achieve

I'm still upset regarding the incident happen

it's really a very deep cut thorn that embedded and sealed within my heart and mind

is hard to imagine what had happened during that time

and the every single thing you had did

i have a lot of questions and doubt

Im been asking myself

what have i did wrong?

why should it be like that?

why hvnt you listen to me?

why you lied to me?

i cant answer it

neither you could...

I blame myself for being a lousy bf

I hope we could

Love like couple

Kiss like couple

Hug like couple

but

Talk like Best friends

Simple? yet it's still difficult...

Nothing come easy

lets bygone be gone?

saying is easy, doing isnt easy at all