Leaf in river flow

I have been thinking over and over my days

What kind of life have I been going through?

Why have my life been rather different ?

What was I meant to be??


Looking back at those days

Realize nothing last

Neither do any feeling that's does not perished

I guess it have been my problem all the while

Pondering worth nothing

As its bring worthless thought and burning precious time

If I were to choose, I wish there's we're more things I could do..

What could I live a meaningful life than burning each day doing worthless things

When comes to a time where you try to finish up those remaining time of the day

It just shown how empty is your life have been

Trying to live a life by hoping time to travels

Living a life without a motive


What mores empty than such living??

An aimless life is just like a leaf flowing in the river stream without an ending not knowing the finish line..

Letting life burnt in such way, what more worthless can it be

Perseverance

Looking back my walk in my academic career,

It was all splendid and well performed throughout the years since

the downfall in 2000 and I have rose up to be academic well performed

Unimaginable that throughout all these time of studies

I have been in good form all the while

Never to be known that in this year

Year 2012

The very last year of my degree, the very last semester before my graduation

I had Failed one subject

and I ruined my whole academic performance record

Amazingly how i have to face others around me

Whom about to graduate

Whom long to expect my graduation

Whom been dearly waiting for this moment to graduate

Whom anticipate for it to come

Even facing myself

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I found it easy to tell people to persevere throughout hard time as I had did it in the past

but ridiculously when this moment of time came forth

I felt completely helpless and ashamed of myself

Why would i not passed this exam..

I couldn't sleep well but I know it doesn't make a difference

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I feel so ashamed of myself

shame to the family

even broken the heart of people that have high hope for my graduation

I felt so useless and helpless

that i asked

Why do this have to happened to me at this time?

Why not last semester?

Why now?

It's just so disappointing when see-ing hope for future

and 12hours after that

Went back to Darkness

I had able to convince the Faculty to allow me to pursuit my master in 2013

even though closing date was 31/10/2012

But on the another hand, the result came out to be a disappointing one

I doubt my dad would allow me to continue study

as i have been such a disgrace to him

Now I'm very indecisive of my future
Whether should I still apply for Master
Should I just leave Brisbane and forget about Master
or
What should i really do about my life


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I thought things was just gotten better between the relationship

with my family and even people around me

But then,

Obviously it's a turned down once again

If this was meant to test my faith and walk

or even to strengthen me

I just have to persevere through these hard times

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have a mixed feeling

One side of me told to be strong that everything is fine and God is in control

Another side of me, i felt deep sorrow and pain that i couldn't express it out

and trying to smile and be happy to every person that i know

whether they knew my result or not

I just trying so hard to endure this pain and shame

Telling every single soul

That "I'm fine, I'm okay"

Everything is good

But deep down inside,

I have a total broken of dignity and faith

and even on myself

I'm trying so hard to be alright

but it's just so hard to endure 

the degree of disappointment

My hope and future just burnt in flame

the moments i saw the right path
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Perseverance throughout the life-tearing moment

Can I do it?

Maybe... Maybe not

But at all time

I know I just have to walk through this pathway

The disheartening things is not what I felt

but the degree of disappointment that others lay down on me

the degree of disheartened and upset and longing to see my graduation

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm very sorry that I had failed

I'm just a star that lost it brightness

Fading in the mist

Why is it November again!!

Why do all these bad things come in November?

Last Year and This year again?!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whether how hard things come forth

I will stand strong and face it

Perseverance to await transformation

a heart to seek breakthrough in life

Going through these was to make me stronger

Perhaps,

I have been overlooking small blessing in my studies

that i can not value until it been stripped away

Appreciation

This Videos remind me of how much things had happened between two best friends being together
and fall in love..

Going through various struggles and partnership through works
However, It reminded me how much i have taken granted of my friendship with a very dear friend of mine

The videos ended with a happy ending
but my life story ended different...

Because I have not full appreciated her presence...

May God lead reconciliation to come upon

Appreciate what in front of you...
You never know how much people around you
trying to get your acknowledgement

and you never know how deep is the cut they went through

Don't regret in future on the things you missed out

I missed out mine... and it's still a deep remorse in my heart

Trust

Across these period of time;

from experiencing so many different obstacles in life

Meeting various type of people

Emitting different type of interest in each of them

I start to ponder.........

In many various people come forth to joint in a path together

or

by chances bump at a cross junctions

How many of them truly meant for you?

Are they your best friends?

Regular friends?

Partners?

Soul mate?

Various thought came into my mind

thinking how each of them changed

and 

manipulated my life in every step

I have stepped forth to move forward

Learning from various aspect

from Friendship - Love partners

What keeping people together?

*.~.*.~.*.*.~.*.~.*Trust *.~.*.~.*.*.~.*.~.*

Because my trust have been repeated violated

by various people

regards of different issues

One thing that always keeping strongly

"Can I trust you?"

Inevitable that many important peoples

in my life comes and went off

From Buddy become Hi-Bye friends

From partner became road-passers

From love partner become complete foreigner

People come and goes

Nothing can be changed

When new peoples came into my life

Gradually building trust,

Matter of times, It will be violated again

I start to asked myself

Is it that important to have an in-violated trust?

Even some with such simple thought

tends to lies and cheats

What have the world became to be?

A world of violation of faith and trust?

Perhaps myself have been one of them

I started to give affection to specific people

but times do tell that

Only the Right one Deserve it

which I have never met the right one

*.~.*.~.*Friends*.~.*.~.*

Conversations became dull and ugly

Intentions became boring and random

Even friends who proclaims as Brothers and Buddies

they betrays and backstabbing

Where about those Listen-And-Forget?

*.~.*.~.*Partner*.~.*.~.*

From a Heart filled with expectation in faith

to a heart filled with suspicious in trust

Joy to Sorrow

Expectation to Disappointment

Conversation fill with coverage and lies

Proclaim with true heart but Continue with Sins

Pure honesty to Pure treachery

Declare to Love but Failed to Commit 

*.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.*

What had life meant to be in such Affliction

Where is the Flawless Trust?

Human - Human Relationship is

filled with divergence

*.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.*

Living in such Erroneous Life

How would things be right?

Trust no longer dwell in present

Who else can I lay my rest on?

*.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.*

It's just like a Wine Glass

filled in a Delicate and Well Conspired Glass

with Astringent, Racy and Ample Wine

Scattered and Disintegrated

to

Decrepitude

Intersperse to pieces of diminutive glass

*.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*.~.**.~.*

Reflection

A blink of eye
It's almost an year after my life have changed in 2011

Reflection of what happened during 2011,
still made a remarkable year in my life

Tons of changes happened and went through that brought me
whom am i today

A completely different person

Thinking back that time,
When storm came to my life,
it was around this period of time

When exams were near, time were limited
yet issues were booming up beneath of life

Suddenly It reminded me that my life wasn't as simple as that

What happened in the past, made who am i today

In the heaviest storm in life,
Counting my every single blessing that people around me have given

indeed, true enough in 2011
I lost 2 very precious people in my life

2 person whom no longer walk a journey in my life anymore

Departed to different junctions and paths that might not be
linked up again as in we were in the past

2 different people

Tremendous life events, lessons, understanding and even growth

I hereby thanks both of you for once walking in that journey with me

It have been a tremendous wonderful path whether was it happiness, sorrow
pain, joy or even heart breaking moments.

It all have been seeded beneath my memories that you were important in my life

Although lots of things play in role for all these happening,
but the happy memories have never faded..

One taught me:
-importance of appreciating the one that loved you
-crucial plays of timing in life events
-making the right choice to let go what have reaches its time limit
-learn the pain and sorrow of waiting for the one that loved
-importance of not taking ones presence for granted
-learnt to love the right one not the one that doesn't
-there's always a second choice in life
-let not be stubborn on own principal as it might hurt others
-Appreciation to best friend
-Shall not hide feeling
-Expression of joy and willing to share
-Be able to speak the truth out of own heart
-Learning to be humble and gentle upon others
-Self-pride worth nothing


One taught me:
-importance to respect own partner
-importance of freedom
-love the one that love you, not just the one you love
-learn to love myself before loving others
-learn to be sensitive and caring
-Importance of communication
-Importance of a strong relationship
-Mutual happiness in a relationship
-Most importantly, letting go what does not belongs

Many more i have learnt from these 2 individuals that changed my entire life to begin with

Nevertheless, receiving the best salvation in life in 2012..

Times past, our journey together have just moved on for a year..

I miss both of you but at the same time, I know there's no longer
the chance to reconcile until the days been planned to comes

Blessed to those that are humble to seek forgiveness and be gracious to forgive others...